ALCOHOL | HOW TO | LIFE
Why everybody needs to know the golden rule of going out
How you treat servers and bartenders says a lot about you. Here’s 12 ways to do it better
Sometimes when people drink, they turn into dicks.
Just a little bit of that liquid courage, and inhibitions are lost like smartphones and credit cards, common courtesy is trampled like dropped drink cups, and manners are forgotten like the name of the person you’re grinding with on the dance floor.
It’s quite a sight to see from behind the bar as the ritual of drinking and regression is repeated time and time again.
When you’ve bartended long enough, you get used to it. But you still wonder maybe, if people were taught differently, they might not do the same dumb shit every. fucking. weekend.
Hi, I’m Liam, and I’m a recovering bartender.
I saw plenty of dumb shit in my 15 years working at bars, pubs, restaurants, nightclubs and a brewery.
And I’m here to teach you the most important thing you need to know about going out.
Call it, if you will, the golden rule.
“If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.”
— Dave Barry (NOT William H. Swanson)
It’s a common belief that a person’s true character is revealed by how they treat a server.
The so-called “Waiter Rule” was coined by humour columnist Dave Barry in his book Dave Barry Turns 50. He wrote: “If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.”
(Funny enough, the rule was popularized by William H. Swanson, former chairman and CEO of Raytheon Company, a multinational aerospace and defense conglomerate. But his Unwritten Rules of Management, where the rule appeared, was mostly plagiarized from a 1944 engineering booklet. He added rules from Barry and former U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to bring it up to date. Raytheon, who released the book, punished Swanson by withdrawing it from publication and reducing his compensation by $1 million… 1/7th of his pay package.)
It’s no wonder that being rude to servers is the worst thing you can do at a restaurant, according to a survey of 2,500 professionals. (Worse even than blowing your nose at the table!)
Indeed, how you treat servers and support staff is one of the top eight things people use to judge you, according to author and doctor Travis Bradberry.
During my 15 years in the industry, I saw plenty of people prove the Waiter Rule first-hand.
I was argued with, belittled, complained about, condescended to, dismissed, ignored, insulted, threatened with violence, touched inappropriately, and more.
(Which is nothing compared to what women in the industry have to put up with.)
So I’m surprised there are so many articles that say how not to deal with service staff, but so few that say how to.
I searched over 200 stories about bartending on Medium and found only four. Here they are:
So how do you, Weekend Warrior, avoid proving the Waiter Rule right?
What is the golden rule?
The rule is proudly displayed at a bar in Vancouver — B.C., not Washington — called, ironically, the American Bar.
(So named because it’s on the ground floor of the American Hotel. And because it was inspired by arcade and sports bars in the U.S.)
The rule is posted on the front door when you walk in. The bouncers have it printed on their shirts. Similar shirts are for sale behind the bar in case you missed it or want to take one home.
It’s simple. It’s effective. It’s to the point. And it’s all you need to know:
Don’t be a dick.
That’s it.
Don’t be a dick.
Simple enough, isn’t it? Too simple? Okay, let me elaborate.
1. Don’t walk in like you own the place.
Unless, of course, you do. Otherwise, you’re walking into someone else’s place. Treat it as you’d want your place to be treated. That goes for the bathrooms too, you savages.
2. Don’t waste the staff’s time.
Remember that servers and bartenders make most of their money in tips. In a busy bar, the more drinks they serve, the more money they make. You see, even at a bar time equals money. So anything you can do not to waste the staff’s time will make them happy.
3. Flirt, but don’t take it seriously.
Half the fun of working at a bar is flirting with fun-loving people. But don’t think that the hottie behind the bar wants to get wit choo just because you tipped fifty cents on your vodka soda. You’re free to flirt, have fun, even leave your number if you want. But don’t think that your tip entitles you to anything more than what you just paid for.
4. Do not touch other people without their permission.
This applies to fellow patrons and to staff alike. Just don’t. Oh, and if someone touches you without your permission, please inform the staff. At a decent joint, the offender will be promptly removed. Because that’s assault, brother.
5. Know your order.
Fair enough if you want to know the specials and they aren’t scrawled on every chalk board in the room already. But if you’re going to ask what’s on tap (when you’re standing in front of them) or what the well whisky is (yes, we spell whisky without an E in Canada… just like the Scots, who invented it), you’re wasting the worker’s — and your fellow patrons’ — time. Likewise, don’t get to the bar with your friends, order a drink and say, “Hold on!” while you survey the rest of the group. This isn’t Family Feud.
6. Don’t wave your money around.
Cash is still king at bars, but you’re not the only one with money. That being said, surreptitiously holding a hefty note near the edge of the bar will more often than not draw the bartender’s attention. But if a significant portion of it doesn’t end up in the tip jar after you’ve been served, don’t try it again.
7. Never reach around, across, or behind the bar.
That big piece of wood is a clear line that separates us from you. Just as we don’t reach over to your side, don’t reach over to our side. Oh, and don’t help yourself to a lime or lemon wedge. Don’t even touch the straws — nobody wants your hands all over those. And don’t even THINK about touching the tip jar. Not even as a joke. That’s our livelihood, friend.
8. Don’t order shooters.
Just don’t. The ’90s are over, and with them all the unfortunately (if not offensively) named concoctions of alcohol, sugar and food colouring that passed for liqueurs back then. You want a shot? Have a shot. Order by spirit or by brand. Tequila, bourbon, Jagermeister, and Jameson are all good choices. Heck, even Fernet Branca if you’re looking to freshen up your breath.
9. Yes, I can plug in your phone.
No, I don’t want to. This isn’t a fucking Genius Bar. You know how many people ever tipped me even a buck for plugging in their thousand-dollar phones with batteries that can’t last through the day? Zero.
10. Remember your manners.
A simple, “Hi, how are you?” goes a long way. Although the way we work can make us look like robots, you need to remember that servers and bartenders have hearts, too. Say please when you place your order. Thank you when it arrives. Want to really go the extra mile? Say it again when you leave.
11. Don’t get belligerently drunk.
Being drunk is not an excuse — for anything. If you think throwing a drink down your throat is a free pass to do whatever the fuck you want, think again. It’s not. If you’re being loud and annoying and bothering other patrons who are being calm and cool and keeping to themselves, you’re being belligerent. Read the room. If the room is going off, nobody’s going to stop you from doing the same. But if you’re getting too rowdy on Trivia Night, don’t be surprised if the staff let you know. Or just cut you off.
11. If you get cut off, don’t take it personally.
We’re just doing our jobs. Besides, it’s illegal in a lot of jurisdictions to serve alcohol to a person who’s intoxicated. Sounds silly, right? While there’s a legal basis for the rule, I think it’s mostly in place so that service staff have the right to refuse service. We don’t like to do it, but as a last resort, it’s all we’ve got. Except for calling the cops. And nobody likes having to call the cops. So don’t take it personally. Go home, sober up, think about what you did, and come back another time. Unless you’re banned. Then never come back, you asshole.
12. Know when to go.
If your friends are all going home, maybe you should too. But if you’re feeling especially loose and want to keep the party going, by all means, go ahead. But remember that last call means last call. If you’ve received your last drink, know you’re on borrowed time. As soon as it’s gone, you are too. If you choose to linger after closing time, you will be ignored — or worse. And no, you can’t hang out with the staff. Then how come that guy’s allowed to? He’s the server’s boyfriend. Now leave!
To summarize: Don’t be a dick.
There you go. Twelve rules to make sure you don’t mess with the Waiter Rule. And to make sure your next night out is a fun one — for everyone involved.
What unspoken rules have you learned working or hanging out in bars and restaurants? Have any tales about the Waiter Rule? Share in the comments or tag me in a story!
Thanks to Steve Davies, Mark B. Gilgam, Bees & Honey Talk, Ali Kurtulmus, Eamon McGrath, Victoria Anteri and Victor LeBlanc for the follows!
And special thanks to Jill Francis for inspiring me to write about bartending.
